sleep at 12mid ! The fall !

@ 11:30pm

I wanna hide forever...
I wanna run away...
I wanna cry but am so drained now...

Dad said i must pick myself up, i should know whAt im suppose to do, i should know how to prioritize, i should learn to put it down and put it aside. Is the word 'i should' and emphasis was placed so much on it.

By allowing me to learn & fall..i tot encouragement and affirmation should come along with it.
掉到谷底的滋味，你尝试过了吗？

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@ 9:00pm

This is the very first time my dad talk to me...abt my 心事...
Its his first time askin how i am..hows the situation..am i getting over it..did he call u..did he forgive u..are u two on talking term..

Finally im getting some attention from my parents...
Jus becos they finally saw the weak side of me...
Finally knowing that their eldest daughter isnt always that strong...
也是会有脆弱的一面...

So it isnt that bad to be weak once in awhile i guess ~_~

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@ 8:00pm

I failed..i cried in my dad's car
He asked me abt yesterday
And his words struck me

Dad & huBb had the same 见解
原来，一直以来，我都是那么丑陋的。

Totally the same from what huBb said.
Dad said to me:
" Its your fault. This isnt something that need to be learn.
Its something you gain through your life & experiences.
When your mum brew tea for you when u r sick. You shld do the same when she is sick.
Reciprocate is the word.
He care for you and you shld too.

不懂的，就要学。

As a girl, you should always be ready to be a part time mum. Knowing every single thing that is suppose to be your responsibility in the future. Furthermore, you are the eldest, all the more you should be the most sensible one. Learning the right way to speak is important.

Im very worried for him that he keeps sending you home late at night too. You shouldnt ask him to send you home, when amk & jurong isnt near. Im not askin you to reject his offer, but explain yourself well. "

Conclusion - 其实，在做人方面，我已经是失败的。
Im not a good girl. Never am i a good girl.

What else can i say now ?? Sorry isnt the word to use anymore..
All i can say is im gonna learn..
but that doesnt mean i wun fall..

But no one is going to wait for me to learn anymore !!
No one is helping me thru the learning process anymore !!
No one is allowing me to fall !!

cos they were all very disappointed in me
and that they have all given up hope on me

and i shldnt demand or expect anything
cos im the bad person afterall

Who will be willing to accompany me thru this learning process and have the patient to wait.
For something that everybody else dun ve to learn
For something that everybody else already know what to do
For something that even the dumbiest person in this world know what it is all abt

我是多么的丑陋!
I shouldnt be facing anybody now!

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@ 7:20pm

project ended & friends leaving...
can i start crying now ??
no i cant... cos dad is coming...

I'm so wrong last night to say 没事了 at 9:10pm. Cos it isnt the case.

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You have slp at 12 - huBb said.

Ok im goin to lie on the bed now ... tho am 2mins late

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